Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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