I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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