She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
