I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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