My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we made out on top of his cat.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
