i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
