He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
