Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
