I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
