You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How external is "for external use only"?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
