Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
