she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
