My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Less talking, more tequila
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
