Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
