I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
