I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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