At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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