apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
