dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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