I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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