I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
