the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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