i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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