I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
