dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
