grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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