I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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