whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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