his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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