sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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