my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
