She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
