Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
