i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
