i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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