a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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