I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
