Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
