sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Porn is love you can see.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
