I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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