Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
