just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
