Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you guys were way drunker than both of me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think i have two assholes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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