I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
