People in love make me want to vomit
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
