I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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