Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
