My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
