I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
