Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.

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(276): View more from Virginia

So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!

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(812): View more from Indiana

You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.

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(801): View more from Utah

i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack

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