I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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